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Should 私の be omitted?

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1

I have the following sentence on my Japanese LinkedIn page:

私 の 目的 は 主導 と 代表的 な 執行 と 技術革新 通じて 例外的 な 質 を 生むて います。
It is meant to mirror my English mission statement:
"My mission is to deliver exceptional value through leadership, outstanding performance, and innovation."

My question is, should 私の be omitted?

grammar translation sentence ellipsis first-person-pronouns

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

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asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

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add a comment | 

1

I have the following sentence on my Japanese LinkedIn page:

私 の 目的 は 主導 と 代表的 な 執行 と 技術革新 通じて 例外的 な 質 を 生むて います。
It is meant to mirror my English mission statement:
"My mission is to deliver exceptional value through leadership, outstanding performance, and innovation."

My question is, should 私の be omitted?

grammar translation sentence ellipsis first-person-pronouns

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

New contributor

Mike Shanahan is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

add a comment | 

I have the following sentence on my Japanese LinkedIn page:

私 の 目的 は 主導 と 代表的 な 執行 と 技術革新 通じて 例外的 な 質 を 生むて います。
It is meant to mirror my English mission statement:
"My mission is to deliver exceptional value through leadership, outstanding performance, and innovation."

My question is, should 私の be omitted?

grammar translation sentence ellipsis first-person-pronouns

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

New contributor

Mike Shanahan is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

New contributor

Mike Shanahan is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

New contributor

Mike Shanahan is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

edited 7 hours ago

Eiríkr Útlendi

19.8k11 gold badge3636 silver badges7070 bronze badges

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

New contributor

Mike Shanahan is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

asked 8 hours ago

Mike ShanahanMike Shanahan

4066 bronze badges

1 Answer
1

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5

Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can understand the sentence without it because they know it's your profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad word choices and grammatical errors.

• 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.


• There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.


• 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.


• 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".


• 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".


• 通じて needs a particle を.

A corrected version is something like:

私の目的はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would be:

私の目的は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

share|improve this answer

edited 26 mins ago

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  I feel that this "exceptional" translates into 卓越した or 真似のできない.
  
  – broccoli forest
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  @broccoliforest Yes that's better, thank you.
  
  – naruto
  25 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

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5

Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can understand the sentence without it because they know it's your profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad word choices and grammatical errors.

• 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.


• There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.


• 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.


• 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".


• 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".


• 通じて needs a particle を.

A corrected version is something like:

私の目的はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would be:

私の目的は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

share|improve this answer

edited 26 mins ago

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  I feel that this "exceptional" translates into 卓越した or 真似のできない.
  
  – broccoli forest
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  @broccoliforest Yes that's better, thank you.
  
  – naruto
  25 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

5

Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can understand the sentence without it because they know it's your profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad word choices and grammatical errors.

• 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.


• There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.


• 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.


• 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".


• 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".


• 通じて needs a particle を.

A corrected version is something like:

私の目的はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would be:

私の目的は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

share|improve this answer

edited 26 mins ago

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  I feel that this "exceptional" translates into 卓越した or 真似のできない.
  
  – broccoli forest
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  @broccoliforest Yes that's better, thank you.
  
  – naruto
  25 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

Since this is a formal statement, it's better to keep 私の. But people can understand the sentence without it because they know it's your profile.

What's worse about your sentence is that your sentence has a number of bad word choices and grammatical errors.

• 生むています is always ungrammatical. The te-form of 生む is 生んで.


• There is a subject-predicate mismatch. 私の目的は生んでいます is "My mission is (in the process of) producing something" rather than "My mission is to produce something". You have to nominalize 生む.


• 主導 refers to an act of leading, but it does not refer to an ability to take a lead role.


• 代表的な執行 sounds like "representative execution" rather than "outstanding performance".


• 例外的な does not have a positive connotation like that of "exceptional". 例外的な質 sounds like "peculiar quality" rather than "exceptional value".


• 通じて needs a particle を.

A corrected version is something like:

私の目的はリーダーシップ、高いパフォーマンス、イノベーションを通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

Or if you don't like katakana loanwords, an alternative free translation would be:

私の目的は、指導力・実行力・革新力を通じて卓越した価値を生み出すことです。

share|improve this answer

edited 26 mins ago

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

share|improve this answer

edited 26 mins ago

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges

answered 4 hours ago

narutonaruto

174k88 gold badges167167 silver badges329329 bronze badges