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I am currently looking for a job, and I am going to say that #MeToo has made me quite scared of just what might be called sexual harassment in an American workplace. I can also mention that I quit my last job over a sort of obsession with the "exact" definition of sexual harassment when talking about it resulted in a complaint against me, which was not communicated to me the best. It sort of left me with the impression that I couldn't talk about this at all when it was intended to keep me from talking about this all the time (I have since gotten that much clarification at least from the manager.)

I'm mostly asking about whether behaviors like pats on the back without consent, compliments on appearance, and expressing desire to "date" employees constitute sexual harassment in workplaces in the USA. In particular, if there is any kind of national standard for definitions of such, in part so I can't just call anything and everything that I can claim made me "uncomfortable" sexual harassment! I recognize that without a federal or state standard, or at the very least a general guideline, this question would get workplace-specific and warrant me asking HR at the workplace(s) in question (which would be almost anywhere I get an interview.)

This is where "double standards" can also rear their ugly heads, and I morally will not tolerate any policies that make it more of an offense if a man does it than if a woman does. While I understand that many more men than women would feel flattered more than uncomfortable with this conduct, this is still not an excuse to take men who are borderline sexually harassed like this who are uncomfortable any less seriously than similarly uncomfortable women. Yes, it's opinion, but it's also a part of my conscience that I feel very strongly about, and I will not compromise it for the sake of immediate employment.

So I guess if I had to ask about one specific behavior: are pats on the back without explicit verbal consent very often considered sexual harassment in U.S. workplaces? Information about other, similar behaviors would be appreciated too.

Standards about sexual harassment in the US are actually very simple. Is the behavior in question something that would be ok in your workplace when the action is towards a man? Are men and women treated equally?

For example: do you pat men on the back and is that commonly done by others in the workplace? Then treat women the same. But if men don't get pats on their backs, hugs, comments about their appearance, doors held open for them, or any other action, then again, treat women the same. If people in your office generally don't ask co-workers for dates, or you're not willing to ask both male and female co-workers for dates, then just don't. If you refer to your male co-workers as 'men', then refer to your female co-workers as 'women', not 'girls'. Keep your language equal too. If your religion forbids you to touch a woman co-worker, so that you can't shake hands, then don't shake hands with men either.

It is always ok to ask for consent first, for both men and women: "Do you need help with that package?" "Would you like me to open the door?" And then, act accordingly.

This concept works for more than just men and women. It also works for people of different races, sexual orientation, religions. If you are treating everyone with equal consideration, then you should be fine.

As for national standards, the EEOC gives guidelines - don't discriminate by treating women differently from men:

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is responsible for enforcing federal laws that make it illegal to discriminate against a job applicant or an employee because of the person's race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, gender identity, and sexual orientation), national origin, age (40 or older), disability or genetic information. It is also illegal to discriminate against a person because the person complained about discrimination, filed a charge of discrimination, or participated in an employment discrimination investigation or lawsuit.

If you are professional and treat women co-workers as co-workers instead of women, you'll be fine.