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Is it wise to reveal that I have started dating an intern with my company? [on hold]
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I have a question regarding what should I do if I have a relationship with a colleague that just got hired. The 'story' so far is this:
I've been working at this company for 3 years. It is a small one, with approximately 30 employees, so everyone knows everyone. I have the image as a quiet, shy guy, that is hard-working.
A month ago, a girl that I only know little from college just came to an internship here. I don't have any authority over her. She is here temporarily (a few months) and hopes to be kept as a permanent employee. In a short time we developed a relationship, and promised to keep it secret. But by various circumstances, our colleagues have figured out about us and are having all sorts of jokes all around. They are quite disturbing and I am afraid are eroding my (and her) reputation at work.
What do you think we should do? Should we just tell them we have a relationship or dismiss all the talk about us?
internship relationships
New contributor
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, JimmyB, UnhandledExcepSean, Kozaky, IDrinkandIKnowThings 12 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
add a comment |
I have a question regarding what should I do if I have a relationship with a colleague that just got hired. The 'story' so far is this:
I've been working at this company for 3 years. It is a small one, with approximately 30 employees, so everyone knows everyone. I have the image as a quiet, shy guy, that is hard-working.
A month ago, a girl that I only know little from college just came to an internship here. I don't have any authority over her. She is here temporarily (a few months) and hopes to be kept as a permanent employee. In a short time we developed a relationship, and promised to keep it secret. But by various circumstances, our colleagues have figured out about us and are having all sorts of jokes all around. They are quite disturbing and I am afraid are eroding my (and her) reputation at work.
What do you think we should do? Should we just tell them we have a relationship or dismiss all the talk about us?
internship relationships
New contributor
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, JimmyB, UnhandledExcepSean, Kozaky, IDrinkandIKnowThings 12 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
2
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago
add a comment |
I have a question regarding what should I do if I have a relationship with a colleague that just got hired. The 'story' so far is this:
I've been working at this company for 3 years. It is a small one, with approximately 30 employees, so everyone knows everyone. I have the image as a quiet, shy guy, that is hard-working.
A month ago, a girl that I only know little from college just came to an internship here. I don't have any authority over her. She is here temporarily (a few months) and hopes to be kept as a permanent employee. In a short time we developed a relationship, and promised to keep it secret. But by various circumstances, our colleagues have figured out about us and are having all sorts of jokes all around. They are quite disturbing and I am afraid are eroding my (and her) reputation at work.
What do you think we should do? Should we just tell them we have a relationship or dismiss all the talk about us?
internship relationships
New contributor
I have a question regarding what should I do if I have a relationship with a colleague that just got hired. The 'story' so far is this:
I've been working at this company for 3 years. It is a small one, with approximately 30 employees, so everyone knows everyone. I have the image as a quiet, shy guy, that is hard-working.
A month ago, a girl that I only know little from college just came to an internship here. I don't have any authority over her. She is here temporarily (a few months) and hopes to be kept as a permanent employee. In a short time we developed a relationship, and promised to keep it secret. But by various circumstances, our colleagues have figured out about us and are having all sorts of jokes all around. They are quite disturbing and I am afraid are eroding my (and her) reputation at work.
What do you think we should do? Should we just tell them we have a relationship or dismiss all the talk about us?
internship relationships
internship relationships
New contributor
New contributor
edited 12 hours ago
IDrinkandIKnowThings
44.9k16101193
44.9k16101193
New contributor
asked 13 hours ago
LitwosLitwos
1223
1223
New contributor
New contributor
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, JimmyB, UnhandledExcepSean, Kozaky, IDrinkandIKnowThings 12 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, JimmyB, UnhandledExcepSean, Kozaky, IDrinkandIKnowThings 12 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
2
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago
add a comment |
2
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
2
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago
2
2
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
2
2
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago
add a comment |
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
TL:DR - If you're serious about the relationship, and want to see a positive end for the jokes and gossips, find a job elsewhere, or help her to find another one. That's the best-advised professional behavior.
Usually, a romantic relationship in a workplace, can cause many issues. If not now, in future. Co-workers making jokes in the least of them.
For example: In future, in case one ends up directly or indirectly managing the other one, even fair and simple actions can be seen or interpreted as favoritism. You risk of creating a negative vibe in the workplace, despite trying to avoid it. Also, we're human - so at the end of the day, the ups and down of your personal relationship is going to affect the work environments. So, better to (or at least, try to, in near future) keep your personal and work life separate.
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
add a comment |
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
TL:DR - If you're serious about the relationship, and want to see a positive end for the jokes and gossips, find a job elsewhere, or help her to find another one. That's the best-advised professional behavior.
Usually, a romantic relationship in a workplace, can cause many issues. If not now, in future. Co-workers making jokes in the least of them.
For example: In future, in case one ends up directly or indirectly managing the other one, even fair and simple actions can be seen or interpreted as favoritism. You risk of creating a negative vibe in the workplace, despite trying to avoid it. Also, we're human - so at the end of the day, the ups and down of your personal relationship is going to affect the work environments. So, better to (or at least, try to, in near future) keep your personal and work life separate.
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
add a comment |
TL:DR - If you're serious about the relationship, and want to see a positive end for the jokes and gossips, find a job elsewhere, or help her to find another one. That's the best-advised professional behavior.
Usually, a romantic relationship in a workplace, can cause many issues. If not now, in future. Co-workers making jokes in the least of them.
For example: In future, in case one ends up directly or indirectly managing the other one, even fair and simple actions can be seen or interpreted as favoritism. You risk of creating a negative vibe in the workplace, despite trying to avoid it. Also, we're human - so at the end of the day, the ups and down of your personal relationship is going to affect the work environments. So, better to (or at least, try to, in near future) keep your personal and work life separate.
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
add a comment |
TL:DR - If you're serious about the relationship, and want to see a positive end for the jokes and gossips, find a job elsewhere, or help her to find another one. That's the best-advised professional behavior.
Usually, a romantic relationship in a workplace, can cause many issues. If not now, in future. Co-workers making jokes in the least of them.
For example: In future, in case one ends up directly or indirectly managing the other one, even fair and simple actions can be seen or interpreted as favoritism. You risk of creating a negative vibe in the workplace, despite trying to avoid it. Also, we're human - so at the end of the day, the ups and down of your personal relationship is going to affect the work environments. So, better to (or at least, try to, in near future) keep your personal and work life separate.
TL:DR - If you're serious about the relationship, and want to see a positive end for the jokes and gossips, find a job elsewhere, or help her to find another one. That's the best-advised professional behavior.
Usually, a romantic relationship in a workplace, can cause many issues. If not now, in future. Co-workers making jokes in the least of them.
For example: In future, in case one ends up directly or indirectly managing the other one, even fair and simple actions can be seen or interpreted as favoritism. You risk of creating a negative vibe in the workplace, despite trying to avoid it. Also, we're human - so at the end of the day, the ups and down of your personal relationship is going to affect the work environments. So, better to (or at least, try to, in near future) keep your personal and work life separate.
edited 13 hours ago
answered 13 hours ago
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
9,66865066
9,66865066
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
add a comment |
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
8
8
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
This seems really drastic, especially since we don't really know the seriousness of the relationship or any cultural norms for the OP's location. People have successful workplace romances all the time - dealing with the office gossip is not unlike any other problem you might face. If everyone who had any kind of workplace relationship quit and got a different job, our economy would crash.
– dwizum
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
@dwizum OK, I added a bit to make it clear.
– Sourav Ghosh
13 hours ago
2
2
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
To add to this answer: I learned this the hard way. Never, ever date a colleague. I had a nasty breakup some time ago which eventually ended up in us not talking, not even a hello. We did not work together on the same team but shared some responsibilities in the company. I eventually started working elsewhere, what was the plan eventually.
– Odyssee
12 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
You spend most of your waking hours with people from work. At some point you're going to find yourself thinking about one of them in a more-than-purely-professional way. This is called "being human", there's no point fighting it, and since when was some crummy job more important than a shot at happiness anyway? (I say this even as someone who went through a disastrous breakup in such circumstances that basically ended my career. Still, would I do it again? Yes. Was it worth the risk? Hell yes. Sadly, for me, that time, it didn't work out.)
– BittermanAndy
6 hours ago
add a comment |
2
Unless you are married and/or the girl is, the word affair probably isn't a good word to use for this, as it implies that at least one of you is committing adultery, aka "cheating" on your spouse. (The Romanian equivalent would be aventură.) "Relationship" is a good enough word for what's going on otherwise.
– Kyralessa
13 hours ago
2
This is a relatively poor question for us to answer because a good deal of this is dependent on the norms of your society and quite opinion based. I'm American and if this happened in my workplace, comments would likely be of a joking nature because workplace romances are common. Now, if there is something salacious (like an actual affair), the comments will likely not be as open and will be far more judgmental. And a "I really like her; please be respectful" will probably do wonders to stop this
– UnhandledExcepSean
13 hours ago