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Should i describe deeply a character before killing it?
Opening paragraphs of a short story set in an aquariumDoes the following opening grip you?How would a knight act around a princess?How many pages should cover the Ordinary World of the Protagonist?How should this be revised?Is it annoying if you write a character getting in trouble often, even if it's not their fault?Choosing between two people in a romance?Protagonist who is morally compromised and antagonist who is “good”?Fiction: Living next door to a CEOCould the cast of my book be more unique?
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So, i have this little story i would like to tell.
It's about a girl and how she's forced to take a journey with the man who has just killed her father.
I'll skip the detail, point is i'm not interested in the figure of her father, for what i would like to tell this is not important. So I've considered of starting excatly from the moment where the poor man is killed. Or even after that, when the two are forced to "join" for a while.
My fear is that the reader won't feel invested about the situation, i would like to create a tension between this two, and most importantly a sense of hate. But why i should hate someone that has killed a stranger?
Should i have some scene where the protagonist interacts with this father before he's killed?
characters readers openings
New contributor
add a comment |
So, i have this little story i would like to tell.
It's about a girl and how she's forced to take a journey with the man who has just killed her father.
I'll skip the detail, point is i'm not interested in the figure of her father, for what i would like to tell this is not important. So I've considered of starting excatly from the moment where the poor man is killed. Or even after that, when the two are forced to "join" for a while.
My fear is that the reader won't feel invested about the situation, i would like to create a tension between this two, and most importantly a sense of hate. But why i should hate someone that has killed a stranger?
Should i have some scene where the protagonist interacts with this father before he's killed?
characters readers openings
New contributor
4
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
1
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago
add a comment |
So, i have this little story i would like to tell.
It's about a girl and how she's forced to take a journey with the man who has just killed her father.
I'll skip the detail, point is i'm not interested in the figure of her father, for what i would like to tell this is not important. So I've considered of starting excatly from the moment where the poor man is killed. Or even after that, when the two are forced to "join" for a while.
My fear is that the reader won't feel invested about the situation, i would like to create a tension between this two, and most importantly a sense of hate. But why i should hate someone that has killed a stranger?
Should i have some scene where the protagonist interacts with this father before he's killed?
characters readers openings
New contributor
So, i have this little story i would like to tell.
It's about a girl and how she's forced to take a journey with the man who has just killed her father.
I'll skip the detail, point is i'm not interested in the figure of her father, for what i would like to tell this is not important. So I've considered of starting excatly from the moment where the poor man is killed. Or even after that, when the two are forced to "join" for a while.
My fear is that the reader won't feel invested about the situation, i would like to create a tension between this two, and most importantly a sense of hate. But why i should hate someone that has killed a stranger?
Should i have some scene where the protagonist interacts with this father before he's killed?
characters readers openings
characters readers openings
New contributor
New contributor
New contributor
asked 8 hours ago
Andrea Panda ZenAndrea Panda Zen
111 bronze badge
111 bronze badge
New contributor
New contributor
4
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
1
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago
add a comment |
4
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
1
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago
4
4
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
1
1
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago
add a comment |
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
Obviously the little girl is doing the hating, and her father is not a stranger. You want HER to hate the killer. You can show that, being little she can even tell him so, there can be a dialogue exchange between them. Her actions, her fear, her speech can all convey her hatred, fear and dislike.
You want the reader to empathize with the GIRL, you want them to vicariously feel what she feels, that she's been kidnapped by an evil and violent man. That she loved her father. That this man cannot be forgiven, that she has to escape.
Nor should you start with a killing. There is nothing wrong with starting after the killing, but a killing is likely too big a deal to be the opening.
There are two routes I see, and both of them demand a telling of the killing.
I think you are probably trying to jump too fast to the drama. The best option is probably to start in the little girl's normal world with her father, show their relationship; then introduce this man, then escalate whatever confrontation is going on, THEN show the killing and the aftermath for the little girl.
The second option is to start with them together, show her hatred and distrust and fear of this man, without exactly telling the reader why. Leave that a mystery, it is just how this girl behaves. Then back-fill, and have the little girl relate, in a conversation to a third character, basically the same story about how her father got killed by the man she is with. This then becomes a "reveal" (for the reader) that explains all of her actions until now, along with how she came to be with this man in the first place.
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
You don't need to describe the character of the father before hand. You could do that, but that would be irrelevant. In fact the conflict is between the daughter and the killer.
In fact, you have several possible conflicts between these two characters that involve the figure of the father:
the desire of the girl to remember her parent and the desire of the killer to let it slip in the past. You can present the figure of the father from the memories of the girl, and challenge it with dismissive comments from the killer.
the girl contrasting the way the father was treating her and the way the killer treats her. This does not necessarily need to depict the father in a positive light. In fact, he could have been an authoritarian father, and the girl now mocks the killer for his/her lack of authority on her.
the girl may not know that the father has been killed. The killer insists that he abandoned her. She insists in trying to find him. You can uncover the father's life through her attempts at finding him in the places she would expect him to be.
As you see in the examples above the conflict does not need the father to be introduced. He does not need to be described to the reader beyond what the two characters need to say. For all we know, he could have been completely different from what they remember. In a sense the father is a prop around which you build tension thanks to the divergent opinions and desires of the two characters. It could have been a puppy (see John Wick), or a piece of lost jewellery, or even an idea.
The strength of the conflict comes from how deeply you can extend the divergence from normality built on the "absence of father". This divergence generates two opposite forces, one which desires a return to normality (girl missing a loving father, or regretful killer) and one which prefers extending it further (girl thankful that the father has disappeared, or unregretting killer).
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
There is a somewhat related character dynamic in the Shattered Earth trilogy, in that a little girl character travels with her father who has recently killed her younger brother: she is, through exigencies, trapped with him for survival, and struggles with loving him and what the both entails and engenders - might be worth your scanning over for beats and nuances.
add a comment |
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
Obviously the little girl is doing the hating, and her father is not a stranger. You want HER to hate the killer. You can show that, being little she can even tell him so, there can be a dialogue exchange between them. Her actions, her fear, her speech can all convey her hatred, fear and dislike.
You want the reader to empathize with the GIRL, you want them to vicariously feel what she feels, that she's been kidnapped by an evil and violent man. That she loved her father. That this man cannot be forgiven, that she has to escape.
Nor should you start with a killing. There is nothing wrong with starting after the killing, but a killing is likely too big a deal to be the opening.
There are two routes I see, and both of them demand a telling of the killing.
I think you are probably trying to jump too fast to the drama. The best option is probably to start in the little girl's normal world with her father, show their relationship; then introduce this man, then escalate whatever confrontation is going on, THEN show the killing and the aftermath for the little girl.
The second option is to start with them together, show her hatred and distrust and fear of this man, without exactly telling the reader why. Leave that a mystery, it is just how this girl behaves. Then back-fill, and have the little girl relate, in a conversation to a third character, basically the same story about how her father got killed by the man she is with. This then becomes a "reveal" (for the reader) that explains all of her actions until now, along with how she came to be with this man in the first place.
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
Obviously the little girl is doing the hating, and her father is not a stranger. You want HER to hate the killer. You can show that, being little she can even tell him so, there can be a dialogue exchange between them. Her actions, her fear, her speech can all convey her hatred, fear and dislike.
You want the reader to empathize with the GIRL, you want them to vicariously feel what she feels, that she's been kidnapped by an evil and violent man. That she loved her father. That this man cannot be forgiven, that she has to escape.
Nor should you start with a killing. There is nothing wrong with starting after the killing, but a killing is likely too big a deal to be the opening.
There are two routes I see, and both of them demand a telling of the killing.
I think you are probably trying to jump too fast to the drama. The best option is probably to start in the little girl's normal world with her father, show their relationship; then introduce this man, then escalate whatever confrontation is going on, THEN show the killing and the aftermath for the little girl.
The second option is to start with them together, show her hatred and distrust and fear of this man, without exactly telling the reader why. Leave that a mystery, it is just how this girl behaves. Then back-fill, and have the little girl relate, in a conversation to a third character, basically the same story about how her father got killed by the man she is with. This then becomes a "reveal" (for the reader) that explains all of her actions until now, along with how she came to be with this man in the first place.
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
Obviously the little girl is doing the hating, and her father is not a stranger. You want HER to hate the killer. You can show that, being little she can even tell him so, there can be a dialogue exchange between them. Her actions, her fear, her speech can all convey her hatred, fear and dislike.
You want the reader to empathize with the GIRL, you want them to vicariously feel what she feels, that she's been kidnapped by an evil and violent man. That she loved her father. That this man cannot be forgiven, that she has to escape.
Nor should you start with a killing. There is nothing wrong with starting after the killing, but a killing is likely too big a deal to be the opening.
There are two routes I see, and both of them demand a telling of the killing.
I think you are probably trying to jump too fast to the drama. The best option is probably to start in the little girl's normal world with her father, show their relationship; then introduce this man, then escalate whatever confrontation is going on, THEN show the killing and the aftermath for the little girl.
The second option is to start with them together, show her hatred and distrust and fear of this man, without exactly telling the reader why. Leave that a mystery, it is just how this girl behaves. Then back-fill, and have the little girl relate, in a conversation to a third character, basically the same story about how her father got killed by the man she is with. This then becomes a "reveal" (for the reader) that explains all of her actions until now, along with how she came to be with this man in the first place.
Obviously the little girl is doing the hating, and her father is not a stranger. You want HER to hate the killer. You can show that, being little she can even tell him so, there can be a dialogue exchange between them. Her actions, her fear, her speech can all convey her hatred, fear and dislike.
You want the reader to empathize with the GIRL, you want them to vicariously feel what she feels, that she's been kidnapped by an evil and violent man. That she loved her father. That this man cannot be forgiven, that she has to escape.
Nor should you start with a killing. There is nothing wrong with starting after the killing, but a killing is likely too big a deal to be the opening.
There are two routes I see, and both of them demand a telling of the killing.
I think you are probably trying to jump too fast to the drama. The best option is probably to start in the little girl's normal world with her father, show their relationship; then introduce this man, then escalate whatever confrontation is going on, THEN show the killing and the aftermath for the little girl.
The second option is to start with them together, show her hatred and distrust and fear of this man, without exactly telling the reader why. Leave that a mystery, it is just how this girl behaves. Then back-fill, and have the little girl relate, in a conversation to a third character, basically the same story about how her father got killed by the man she is with. This then becomes a "reveal" (for the reader) that explains all of her actions until now, along with how she came to be with this man in the first place.
answered 7 hours ago
AmadeusAmadeus
69.5k7 gold badges91 silver badges229 bronze badges
69.5k7 gold badges91 silver badges229 bronze badges
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
Thank you, your answer i exactly what i was thinking, but perhaps i wasn't sure enough to just "go with it".
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
You don't need to describe the character of the father before hand. You could do that, but that would be irrelevant. In fact the conflict is between the daughter and the killer.
In fact, you have several possible conflicts between these two characters that involve the figure of the father:
the desire of the girl to remember her parent and the desire of the killer to let it slip in the past. You can present the figure of the father from the memories of the girl, and challenge it with dismissive comments from the killer.
the girl contrasting the way the father was treating her and the way the killer treats her. This does not necessarily need to depict the father in a positive light. In fact, he could have been an authoritarian father, and the girl now mocks the killer for his/her lack of authority on her.
the girl may not know that the father has been killed. The killer insists that he abandoned her. She insists in trying to find him. You can uncover the father's life through her attempts at finding him in the places she would expect him to be.
As you see in the examples above the conflict does not need the father to be introduced. He does not need to be described to the reader beyond what the two characters need to say. For all we know, he could have been completely different from what they remember. In a sense the father is a prop around which you build tension thanks to the divergent opinions and desires of the two characters. It could have been a puppy (see John Wick), or a piece of lost jewellery, or even an idea.
The strength of the conflict comes from how deeply you can extend the divergence from normality built on the "absence of father". This divergence generates two opposite forces, one which desires a return to normality (girl missing a loving father, or regretful killer) and one which prefers extending it further (girl thankful that the father has disappeared, or unregretting killer).
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
You don't need to describe the character of the father before hand. You could do that, but that would be irrelevant. In fact the conflict is between the daughter and the killer.
In fact, you have several possible conflicts between these two characters that involve the figure of the father:
the desire of the girl to remember her parent and the desire of the killer to let it slip in the past. You can present the figure of the father from the memories of the girl, and challenge it with dismissive comments from the killer.
the girl contrasting the way the father was treating her and the way the killer treats her. This does not necessarily need to depict the father in a positive light. In fact, he could have been an authoritarian father, and the girl now mocks the killer for his/her lack of authority on her.
the girl may not know that the father has been killed. The killer insists that he abandoned her. She insists in trying to find him. You can uncover the father's life through her attempts at finding him in the places she would expect him to be.
As you see in the examples above the conflict does not need the father to be introduced. He does not need to be described to the reader beyond what the two characters need to say. For all we know, he could have been completely different from what they remember. In a sense the father is a prop around which you build tension thanks to the divergent opinions and desires of the two characters. It could have been a puppy (see John Wick), or a piece of lost jewellery, or even an idea.
The strength of the conflict comes from how deeply you can extend the divergence from normality built on the "absence of father". This divergence generates two opposite forces, one which desires a return to normality (girl missing a loving father, or regretful killer) and one which prefers extending it further (girl thankful that the father has disappeared, or unregretting killer).
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
You don't need to describe the character of the father before hand. You could do that, but that would be irrelevant. In fact the conflict is between the daughter and the killer.
In fact, you have several possible conflicts between these two characters that involve the figure of the father:
the desire of the girl to remember her parent and the desire of the killer to let it slip in the past. You can present the figure of the father from the memories of the girl, and challenge it with dismissive comments from the killer.
the girl contrasting the way the father was treating her and the way the killer treats her. This does not necessarily need to depict the father in a positive light. In fact, he could have been an authoritarian father, and the girl now mocks the killer for his/her lack of authority on her.
the girl may not know that the father has been killed. The killer insists that he abandoned her. She insists in trying to find him. You can uncover the father's life through her attempts at finding him in the places she would expect him to be.
As you see in the examples above the conflict does not need the father to be introduced. He does not need to be described to the reader beyond what the two characters need to say. For all we know, he could have been completely different from what they remember. In a sense the father is a prop around which you build tension thanks to the divergent opinions and desires of the two characters. It could have been a puppy (see John Wick), or a piece of lost jewellery, or even an idea.
The strength of the conflict comes from how deeply you can extend the divergence from normality built on the "absence of father". This divergence generates two opposite forces, one which desires a return to normality (girl missing a loving father, or regretful killer) and one which prefers extending it further (girl thankful that the father has disappeared, or unregretting killer).
You don't need to describe the character of the father before hand. You could do that, but that would be irrelevant. In fact the conflict is between the daughter and the killer.
In fact, you have several possible conflicts between these two characters that involve the figure of the father:
the desire of the girl to remember her parent and the desire of the killer to let it slip in the past. You can present the figure of the father from the memories of the girl, and challenge it with dismissive comments from the killer.
the girl contrasting the way the father was treating her and the way the killer treats her. This does not necessarily need to depict the father in a positive light. In fact, he could have been an authoritarian father, and the girl now mocks the killer for his/her lack of authority on her.
the girl may not know that the father has been killed. The killer insists that he abandoned her. She insists in trying to find him. You can uncover the father's life through her attempts at finding him in the places she would expect him to be.
As you see in the examples above the conflict does not need the father to be introduced. He does not need to be described to the reader beyond what the two characters need to say. For all we know, he could have been completely different from what they remember. In a sense the father is a prop around which you build tension thanks to the divergent opinions and desires of the two characters. It could have been a puppy (see John Wick), or a piece of lost jewellery, or even an idea.
The strength of the conflict comes from how deeply you can extend the divergence from normality built on the "absence of father". This divergence generates two opposite forces, one which desires a return to normality (girl missing a loving father, or regretful killer) and one which prefers extending it further (girl thankful that the father has disappeared, or unregretting killer).
answered 7 hours ago
NofPNofP
4,69410 silver badges42 bronze badges
4,69410 silver badges42 bronze badges
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
2
2
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
+1 beating me to this answer, and also for letting the girl discover her father has been murdered in the scene… That sounds like the biggest payoff.
– wetcircuit
7 hours ago
1
1
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I have to thank you, you've give me some point of view i haven't actually thought off.
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
add a comment |
There is a somewhat related character dynamic in the Shattered Earth trilogy, in that a little girl character travels with her father who has recently killed her younger brother: she is, through exigencies, trapped with him for survival, and struggles with loving him and what the both entails and engenders - might be worth your scanning over for beats and nuances.
add a comment |
There is a somewhat related character dynamic in the Shattered Earth trilogy, in that a little girl character travels with her father who has recently killed her younger brother: she is, through exigencies, trapped with him for survival, and struggles with loving him and what the both entails and engenders - might be worth your scanning over for beats and nuances.
add a comment |
There is a somewhat related character dynamic in the Shattered Earth trilogy, in that a little girl character travels with her father who has recently killed her younger brother: she is, through exigencies, trapped with him for survival, and struggles with loving him and what the both entails and engenders - might be worth your scanning over for beats and nuances.
There is a somewhat related character dynamic in the Shattered Earth trilogy, in that a little girl character travels with her father who has recently killed her younger brother: she is, through exigencies, trapped with him for survival, and struggles with loving him and what the both entails and engenders - might be worth your scanning over for beats and nuances.
answered 7 hours ago
GerardFallaGerardFalla
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Andrea Panda Zen is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Andrea Panda Zen is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Andrea Panda Zen is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Andrea Panda Zen is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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4
Hi Andrea, what length is the story? The answer will depend on whether this is a short story, a novel, or something in between.
– wordsworth
8 hours ago
1
@wordsworth not really a long one, i haven't a fixed length in my mind, but i'm not planning to make a book out of it or something. Sorry if i can't be more precise
– Andrea Panda Zen
7 hours ago
I see nobody has pointed you yet to our tour and help center pages. Take a look when you have time, they're useful. And welcome to writing.se!
– Galastel
6 hours ago