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I, a 20-year-old female, have come to admire the graduate teaching assistant for my summer course quite strongly. I'm extremely interested in what they have to say, I always pay attention, never use my phone and use eye contact to show interest (I do come 2-5 minutes late sometimes but that's because I commute and our town is very spacious). I do like them very much and I think about them with warmth often. I want to know about their work, I want to know what they are interested in. I would like to at least be their friend.

Despite my strong admiration I must emphasize that I have not and do not plan to cross professional boundaries until the end of the course.

I have spoken to them though it was only a short conversation about the work that was assigned to us the following weekend, however he did seem quite warm and open to conversation. Specifically he emphasizes in his syllabus to not hesitate to contact him with any questions we may have at all. I would like to be able to talk to them more without bothering them, and over stepping professional boundaries. I hopefully plan to ask them out once the course has ended, but I would still like to be able to have the chance to talk to them too as friends outside of course hours about the course material. Would this be ethical? Should I just back down? Specifically I wanted to thank him for giving me a very positive, in-depth feed back in the essay assignment that I had turned in that I got a perfect grade on.

I've been going through a really rough time in my personal life despite having flunked before I made a promise to myself to work harder and to never give up on my goals. Truly their receptiveness, warmth and passion has genuinely inspired me to keep going and to study harder. I would very much like to thank them for inspiring me and being a good teacher which has helped me understand the material.

• Would it be ethical to express these sentiments of admiration and gratitude to them during their office hours?


• Would it be possible to date them after the course has ended since they are essentially a normal graduate student instead of a true professor?

Wait until after the course is over and grades are in: don't put your TA in a difficult situation.

After that, you are just two adult humans, assuming you won't have any other courses with this TA.

Would it be ethical to express these sentiments of admiration and gratitude to them during their office hours?

Of course. I would wait until the course, and the grades, are finalized, though. Consider sending a note or expressing your sentiments during TA evaluations (if such a thing exists where you are); doing it in office hours might be uncomfortable.

Would it be possible to date them after the course has ended since they are essentially a normal graduate student instead of a true professor ?

You would have to check your university's rules. In general, there are no policies prohibiting this sort of relationship, if you will have no future courses together. The TA in question might be concerned about the appearance of impropriety, however.

As an artist, would it be strange to ask them if i could give them a drawing?

Of course you should not give them anything until the course, and the grades, are finalized. As to strangeness, that's maybe an interpersonal issue -- for me, yes, I would certainly find it strange, but that's not to say I wouldn't think it was awesome, especially if I liked the student.

It gets more complicated since you plan to ask him out though -- if you give it, then ask him out, that's a bit uncomfortable; if you ask him out and are turned down, it's a bit awkward to give him the artwork anyway.

I'd like to add that there is another reason for waiting until the class have been over for a while. There's a phenomenon of "love for authority." It happens a lot in academia, where the instructor would otherwise not be that interesting, but because of the moderate position of power (and the things that go with it, like being the perceived leader, self-confidence, etc) he is much more attractive. It could be that a month after the course is over, your TA will fade back into his proper level.

Love relationships based on an unequal balance of power are usually unhealthy. You probably want to make sure that you're really attracted to him and not just his position.

Telling someone you are grateful for their help with your work is usually a good and kind thing to do.

In this case, however, you are not just grateful for their professional contributions, but interested in them as a person, potentially romantically. If your TA was aware of this it would make their job harder:

• they may worry that you are trying to bias them in your favour,


• they may worry that other people will think you are trying to bias them, so they have to try extra hard to demonstrate that they are not,


• they may worry that they are actually being subconsciously biased, and try to compensate for it, and then worry if they're overcompensating and being unfair,


• they may worry that you will be especially sensitive to receiving criticism from them, or you may interpret praise differently,


• if they find the attention uncomfortable, they can't just avoid social contact with you, because it's a necessary part of their job.

Until the course is over you are doing them a favour by keeping the personal aspect to yourself.

With that in mind, even expressing just professional gratitude carries some risk that you'll unintentionally – through your manner, nervousness, choice of words, whatever – signal the personal feelings you have.

The safe thing to do is to avoid standing out in the eyes of your TA until the course is over. That said, the unsafe thing does have potential upsides and I don't want to tell you that no-one should ever say something kind to someone else for fear of unwanted implications. But make sure when you're thinking about what you want to do that you're including the potential ways it can go badly for them, as well as for you.