How do I, an introvert, communicate to my friend and only colleague, an extrovert, that I want to spend my scheduled breaks without them?How to deal with a colleague who wants to be a personal friend and not just a work colleague?How do I tell a colleague that I don't want to add him to Facebook?How to keep a good relationship with your colleague when managment helped you by making a decision that hurt them?How to tell a colleague that I want to stop sharing the ride?How do you respond to a colleague from another team when they're wrongly expecting that you'll help them?
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How do I, an introvert, communicate to my friend and only colleague, an extrovert, that I want to spend my scheduled breaks without them?
How to deal with a colleague who wants to be a personal friend and not just a work colleague?How do I tell a colleague that I don't want to add him to Facebook?How to keep a good relationship with your colleague when managment helped you by making a decision that hurt them?How to tell a colleague that I want to stop sharing the ride?How do you respond to a colleague from another team when they're wrongly expecting that you'll help them?
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
I'm an introvert and as an introvert I like to take a break by spending some time alone.
My only other team member is an extrovert and wants me to spend time with her. Initially our personal relationship was nothing beyond that of cordiality, but as time passed by, we bonded over some long running projects and developed a friendship.
Now, I've realized that it is expected of me to always accompany my teammate/friend to our scheduled breaks, but these breaks are not enough for my own rejuvenation and I feel the need to take additional breaks, which affect my productivity.
I'm quite unsure about how to convey this feeling to my colleague. How should I raise this with her?
colleagues
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
3321 gold badge2 silver badges4 bronze badges
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add a comment |
I'm an introvert and as an introvert I like to take a break by spending some time alone.
My only other team member is an extrovert and wants me to spend time with her. Initially our personal relationship was nothing beyond that of cordiality, but as time passed by, we bonded over some long running projects and developed a friendship.
Now, I've realized that it is expected of me to always accompany my teammate/friend to our scheduled breaks, but these breaks are not enough for my own rejuvenation and I feel the need to take additional breaks, which affect my productivity.
I'm quite unsure about how to convey this feeling to my colleague. How should I raise this with her?
colleagues
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
3321 gold badge2 silver badges4 bronze badges
New contributor
dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
33
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
2
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday
add a comment |
I'm an introvert and as an introvert I like to take a break by spending some time alone.
My only other team member is an extrovert and wants me to spend time with her. Initially our personal relationship was nothing beyond that of cordiality, but as time passed by, we bonded over some long running projects and developed a friendship.
Now, I've realized that it is expected of me to always accompany my teammate/friend to our scheduled breaks, but these breaks are not enough for my own rejuvenation and I feel the need to take additional breaks, which affect my productivity.
I'm quite unsure about how to convey this feeling to my colleague. How should I raise this with her?
colleagues
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
3321 gold badge2 silver badges4 bronze badges
New contributor
dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I'm an introvert and as an introvert I like to take a break by spending some time alone.
My only other team member is an extrovert and wants me to spend time with her. Initially our personal relationship was nothing beyond that of cordiality, but as time passed by, we bonded over some long running projects and developed a friendship.
Now, I've realized that it is expected of me to always accompany my teammate/friend to our scheduled breaks, but these breaks are not enough for my own rejuvenation and I feel the need to take additional breaks, which affect my productivity.
I'm quite unsure about how to convey this feeling to my colleague. How should I raise this with her?
colleagues
colleagues
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
3321 gold badge2 silver badges4 bronze badges
New contributor
dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
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dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
edited 37 mins ago
a CVn
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
9041 gold badge8 silver badges20 bronze badges
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
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dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked yesterday
dcodedcode
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asked yesterday
dcodedcode
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dcode is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Check out our Code of Conduct.
33
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
2
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday
add a comment |
33
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
2
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday
33
33
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
2
2
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday
add a comment |
6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
Probably good to know, you are not the first and only one in this position. Being an introvert myself and started in a consulting role with many extroverts I fully understand your position.
The best thing to do is to say it to her as you express it in your question. Almost everyone, extroverts included, understand the need to have some alone-time. The situation is probably more problematic in your head than it is with your colleague.
By giving that break a name like alone-time can help to have those breaks accepted. I did it at home and at work and in both places it is fully accepted.
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
add a comment |
My wife is an extrovert (weirdo... :) ), while her daughter is an introvert (aka, perfectly normal). When our daughter needs alone time to reset, she just says "I need a couple of hours alone, please", and she gets it. Nobody gets upset over it, and it's not a big issue.
Communication is key - talk to your co-worker, and tell her that it's nothing personal, but you just need some time alone. It's a physiological response. As explained in https://www.quietrev.com/why-introverts-and-extroverts-are-different-the-science/; it's the way brains are wired to handle dopamine overloads. Introverts who get overstimulated need quiet time to reset, while extroverts enjoy it and seek more.
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
add a comment |
Carefully address your needs while also putting yourself into your coworkers/friends position.
Honesty goes a long way, so just tell her the truth. Tell her you need some lunch breaks spent alone in order to relax and calm down but that you really like her and want to spend time with her. When you add this she will get a better grip on your issue and not mistake the reason for you disliking her.
You can do this by using so called "I" statements. To provide an example, when you would normally say "You expect me accompanying you too often", you say "I feel like..." instead. That way both of you will have a better conversation, lowering the chance of her feelings getting hurt as the situation is naturally not her "fault" anyway.
Good luck! :-)
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
add a comment |
Get some more people involved in the regular breaks.
I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you want, but when there are 4 or 5 people who regularly get coffee (or whatever) together, then it'll be a lot easier for you to say "Sorry, I can't make it today" without your coworker pressuring you to come - she'll have other people to spend time with, so everyone wins.
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
add a comment |
You've already built trust and kind of a "friendship" with each other, so I would simple tell her my needs for some occasional "lonely time".
You should put it in a way that does not hurt her feelings, though. State clearly that you have no problem with her personally, and that you would like to continue your relationship normally, you just need a couple of breaks. It's critical to be sincere and to say things clearly, so that she understands your reasons. Rather than breaking your links with your co-worker, this is actually a chance to reinforce them as you are disclosing something quite personal!
As it's so often the case, a mixed solution is a great answer. Spend some of your breaks alone and others with other people in a balance that allows you to get the best of both worlds!
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Buy a good pair of noise cancellation headphones.
It would be fine even if you don't play anything on it, since no one checks. But no one comes up to people plugged in. Eventually everyone will know that you enjoy your own company. Also not reacting to their statements makes introverts 'boring' for extroverts since they are attention hungry. That could help as well. :)
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
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3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
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6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
6 Answers
6
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
Probably good to know, you are not the first and only one in this position. Being an introvert myself and started in a consulting role with many extroverts I fully understand your position.
The best thing to do is to say it to her as you express it in your question. Almost everyone, extroverts included, understand the need to have some alone-time. The situation is probably more problematic in your head than it is with your colleague.
By giving that break a name like alone-time can help to have those breaks accepted. I did it at home and at work and in both places it is fully accepted.
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
add a comment |
Probably good to know, you are not the first and only one in this position. Being an introvert myself and started in a consulting role with many extroverts I fully understand your position.
The best thing to do is to say it to her as you express it in your question. Almost everyone, extroverts included, understand the need to have some alone-time. The situation is probably more problematic in your head than it is with your colleague.
By giving that break a name like alone-time can help to have those breaks accepted. I did it at home and at work and in both places it is fully accepted.
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
add a comment |
Probably good to know, you are not the first and only one in this position. Being an introvert myself and started in a consulting role with many extroverts I fully understand your position.
The best thing to do is to say it to her as you express it in your question. Almost everyone, extroverts included, understand the need to have some alone-time. The situation is probably more problematic in your head than it is with your colleague.
By giving that break a name like alone-time can help to have those breaks accepted. I did it at home and at work and in both places it is fully accepted.
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
Probably good to know, you are not the first and only one in this position. Being an introvert myself and started in a consulting role with many extroverts I fully understand your position.
The best thing to do is to say it to her as you express it in your question. Almost everyone, extroverts included, understand the need to have some alone-time. The situation is probably more problematic in your head than it is with your colleague.
By giving that break a name like alone-time can help to have those breaks accepted. I did it at home and at work and in both places it is fully accepted.
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
answered yesterday
BobstarBobstar
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
7371 silver badge11 bronze badges
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
add a comment |
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
9
9
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
Well, the fear here is that every person has plenty of "time alone" outside their work, and if they insist on it during the lunch break, it may come across as a disingenuous excuse. This is what is hardest to address. How would you approach this?
– Andrew Savinykh
yesterday
5
5
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
@AndrewSavinykh not every one has "time alone" outside of work, I have a huge family that I of course love speeding time with, but they are 100 mph 24/7, I look forward to my lunch break as the only 40 mins of quiet I get in a day, sitting in my car eating my dinner.
– PeterH
15 hours ago
add a comment |
My wife is an extrovert (weirdo... :) ), while her daughter is an introvert (aka, perfectly normal). When our daughter needs alone time to reset, she just says "I need a couple of hours alone, please", and she gets it. Nobody gets upset over it, and it's not a big issue.
Communication is key - talk to your co-worker, and tell her that it's nothing personal, but you just need some time alone. It's a physiological response. As explained in https://www.quietrev.com/why-introverts-and-extroverts-are-different-the-science/; it's the way brains are wired to handle dopamine overloads. Introverts who get overstimulated need quiet time to reset, while extroverts enjoy it and seek more.
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
add a comment |
My wife is an extrovert (weirdo... :) ), while her daughter is an introvert (aka, perfectly normal). When our daughter needs alone time to reset, she just says "I need a couple of hours alone, please", and she gets it. Nobody gets upset over it, and it's not a big issue.
Communication is key - talk to your co-worker, and tell her that it's nothing personal, but you just need some time alone. It's a physiological response. As explained in https://www.quietrev.com/why-introverts-and-extroverts-are-different-the-science/; it's the way brains are wired to handle dopamine overloads. Introverts who get overstimulated need quiet time to reset, while extroverts enjoy it and seek more.
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
add a comment |
My wife is an extrovert (weirdo... :) ), while her daughter is an introvert (aka, perfectly normal). When our daughter needs alone time to reset, she just says "I need a couple of hours alone, please", and she gets it. Nobody gets upset over it, and it's not a big issue.
Communication is key - talk to your co-worker, and tell her that it's nothing personal, but you just need some time alone. It's a physiological response. As explained in https://www.quietrev.com/why-introverts-and-extroverts-are-different-the-science/; it's the way brains are wired to handle dopamine overloads. Introverts who get overstimulated need quiet time to reset, while extroverts enjoy it and seek more.
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
My wife is an extrovert (weirdo... :) ), while her daughter is an introvert (aka, perfectly normal). When our daughter needs alone time to reset, she just says "I need a couple of hours alone, please", and she gets it. Nobody gets upset over it, and it's not a big issue.
Communication is key - talk to your co-worker, and tell her that it's nothing personal, but you just need some time alone. It's a physiological response. As explained in https://www.quietrev.com/why-introverts-and-extroverts-are-different-the-science/; it's the way brains are wired to handle dopamine overloads. Introverts who get overstimulated need quiet time to reset, while extroverts enjoy it and seek more.
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
answered yesterday
PeteConPeteCon
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
19k7 gold badges51 silver badges77 bronze badges
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
add a comment |
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
3
3
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
her TED talk distills it well - youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
– NKCampbell
yesterday
add a comment |
Carefully address your needs while also putting yourself into your coworkers/friends position.
Honesty goes a long way, so just tell her the truth. Tell her you need some lunch breaks spent alone in order to relax and calm down but that you really like her and want to spend time with her. When you add this she will get a better grip on your issue and not mistake the reason for you disliking her.
You can do this by using so called "I" statements. To provide an example, when you would normally say "You expect me accompanying you too often", you say "I feel like..." instead. That way both of you will have a better conversation, lowering the chance of her feelings getting hurt as the situation is naturally not her "fault" anyway.
Good luck! :-)
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
add a comment |
Carefully address your needs while also putting yourself into your coworkers/friends position.
Honesty goes a long way, so just tell her the truth. Tell her you need some lunch breaks spent alone in order to relax and calm down but that you really like her and want to spend time with her. When you add this she will get a better grip on your issue and not mistake the reason for you disliking her.
You can do this by using so called "I" statements. To provide an example, when you would normally say "You expect me accompanying you too often", you say "I feel like..." instead. That way both of you will have a better conversation, lowering the chance of her feelings getting hurt as the situation is naturally not her "fault" anyway.
Good luck! :-)
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
add a comment |
Carefully address your needs while also putting yourself into your coworkers/friends position.
Honesty goes a long way, so just tell her the truth. Tell her you need some lunch breaks spent alone in order to relax and calm down but that you really like her and want to spend time with her. When you add this she will get a better grip on your issue and not mistake the reason for you disliking her.
You can do this by using so called "I" statements. To provide an example, when you would normally say "You expect me accompanying you too often", you say "I feel like..." instead. That way both of you will have a better conversation, lowering the chance of her feelings getting hurt as the situation is naturally not her "fault" anyway.
Good luck! :-)
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
Carefully address your needs while also putting yourself into your coworkers/friends position.
Honesty goes a long way, so just tell her the truth. Tell her you need some lunch breaks spent alone in order to relax and calm down but that you really like her and want to spend time with her. When you add this she will get a better grip on your issue and not mistake the reason for you disliking her.
You can do this by using so called "I" statements. To provide an example, when you would normally say "You expect me accompanying you too often", you say "I feel like..." instead. That way both of you will have a better conversation, lowering the chance of her feelings getting hurt as the situation is naturally not her "fault" anyway.
Good luck! :-)
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
answered yesterday
alexander_roidlalexander_roidl
1114 bronze badges
1114 bronze badges
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
add a comment |
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
3
3
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
This was pretty much going to be my answer. The one thing I'll add is that as an extrovert, introverts have told me this in this manner, and it's no problem at all. Extroverts are not "attention hungry" - we're just super-happy to spend a ridiculous amount of time with people. But most of us don't take it amiss that others don't have the same preferences that we do.
– bethlakshmi
yesterday
add a comment |
Get some more people involved in the regular breaks.
I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you want, but when there are 4 or 5 people who regularly get coffee (or whatever) together, then it'll be a lot easier for you to say "Sorry, I can't make it today" without your coworker pressuring you to come - she'll have other people to spend time with, so everyone wins.
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
add a comment |
Get some more people involved in the regular breaks.
I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you want, but when there are 4 or 5 people who regularly get coffee (or whatever) together, then it'll be a lot easier for you to say "Sorry, I can't make it today" without your coworker pressuring you to come - she'll have other people to spend time with, so everyone wins.
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
add a comment |
Get some more people involved in the regular breaks.
I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you want, but when there are 4 or 5 people who regularly get coffee (or whatever) together, then it'll be a lot easier for you to say "Sorry, I can't make it today" without your coworker pressuring you to come - she'll have other people to spend time with, so everyone wins.
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
Get some more people involved in the regular breaks.
I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you want, but when there are 4 or 5 people who regularly get coffee (or whatever) together, then it'll be a lot easier for you to say "Sorry, I can't make it today" without your coworker pressuring you to come - she'll have other people to spend time with, so everyone wins.
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
edited yesterday
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
answered yesterday
Player OnePlayer One
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
9,0737 gold badges30 silver badges45 bronze badges
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
add a comment |
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
1
1
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
You're right, that's the exact opposite of what OP wants. I, too, find dealing with people to be exhausting, and trying to add people to the group will have the exact opposite effect that you are suggesting; now OP will be pressured by having more people to "let down."
– Rich
11 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
This could go either way. If they get used to doing things without you, you may find that soon enough you're not part of the group, which is not a good feeling. However, if you join them you won't feel nearly as pressured to contribute to the conversation since there are more people to fill the conversational gaps. It's related to the idea that I call being "alone together" where you're in the same room as other people, but not necessarily interacting; maybe one is doing a puzzle while the other is reading a book. You're there and available, but there's no real pressure to be social.
– Phlarx
9 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
@Rich Different strokes for different folks I guess. I'm an introvert who wants to spend my breaks alone too. Building a group who have lunch together was a way that I achieved that, without feeling like I let anyone down at all.
– Player One
5 hours ago
add a comment |
You've already built trust and kind of a "friendship" with each other, so I would simple tell her my needs for some occasional "lonely time".
You should put it in a way that does not hurt her feelings, though. State clearly that you have no problem with her personally, and that you would like to continue your relationship normally, you just need a couple of breaks. It's critical to be sincere and to say things clearly, so that she understands your reasons. Rather than breaking your links with your co-worker, this is actually a chance to reinforce them as you are disclosing something quite personal!
As it's so often the case, a mixed solution is a great answer. Spend some of your breaks alone and others with other people in a balance that allows you to get the best of both worlds!
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
You've already built trust and kind of a "friendship" with each other, so I would simple tell her my needs for some occasional "lonely time".
You should put it in a way that does not hurt her feelings, though. State clearly that you have no problem with her personally, and that you would like to continue your relationship normally, you just need a couple of breaks. It's critical to be sincere and to say things clearly, so that she understands your reasons. Rather than breaking your links with your co-worker, this is actually a chance to reinforce them as you are disclosing something quite personal!
As it's so often the case, a mixed solution is a great answer. Spend some of your breaks alone and others with other people in a balance that allows you to get the best of both worlds!
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
You've already built trust and kind of a "friendship" with each other, so I would simple tell her my needs for some occasional "lonely time".
You should put it in a way that does not hurt her feelings, though. State clearly that you have no problem with her personally, and that you would like to continue your relationship normally, you just need a couple of breaks. It's critical to be sincere and to say things clearly, so that she understands your reasons. Rather than breaking your links with your co-worker, this is actually a chance to reinforce them as you are disclosing something quite personal!
As it's so often the case, a mixed solution is a great answer. Spend some of your breaks alone and others with other people in a balance that allows you to get the best of both worlds!
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
You've already built trust and kind of a "friendship" with each other, so I would simple tell her my needs for some occasional "lonely time".
You should put it in a way that does not hurt her feelings, though. State clearly that you have no problem with her personally, and that you would like to continue your relationship normally, you just need a couple of breaks. It's critical to be sincere and to say things clearly, so that she understands your reasons. Rather than breaking your links with your co-worker, this is actually a chance to reinforce them as you are disclosing something quite personal!
As it's so often the case, a mixed solution is a great answer. Spend some of your breaks alone and others with other people in a balance that allows you to get the best of both worlds!
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
answered yesterday
DavidDavid
8369 bronze badges
8369 bronze badges
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
Lonely is quite different from alone. If anyone told me they were lonely, I'd make an effort to spend more time with them (and I'm an introvert)
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Buy a good pair of noise cancellation headphones.
It would be fine even if you don't play anything on it, since no one checks. But no one comes up to people plugged in. Eventually everyone will know that you enjoy your own company. Also not reacting to their statements makes introverts 'boring' for extroverts since they are attention hungry. That could help as well. :)
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Buy a good pair of noise cancellation headphones.
It would be fine even if you don't play anything on it, since no one checks. But no one comes up to people plugged in. Eventually everyone will know that you enjoy your own company. Also not reacting to their statements makes introverts 'boring' for extroverts since they are attention hungry. That could help as well. :)
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
Buy a good pair of noise cancellation headphones.
It would be fine even if you don't play anything on it, since no one checks. But no one comes up to people plugged in. Eventually everyone will know that you enjoy your own company. Also not reacting to their statements makes introverts 'boring' for extroverts since they are attention hungry. That could help as well. :)
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Buy a good pair of noise cancellation headphones.
It would be fine even if you don't play anything on it, since no one checks. But no one comes up to people plugged in. Eventually everyone will know that you enjoy your own company. Also not reacting to their statements makes introverts 'boring' for extroverts since they are attention hungry. That could help as well. :)
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
answered yesterday
Utsav AgrawalUtsav Agrawal
11
11
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Utsav Agrawal is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
3
3
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
The question is about how to claim breaks back as a solo activity for recovery, not about a noisy coworker.
– skymningen
yesterday
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
Isn't this a technique for ensuring that the solo recovery break stays that way, i.e. uninterrupted. One may need to pretend to be 'doing' something because folks don't see relaxing as doing, but all the same it (big headphones) is a way of diverting folks attention.
– Philip Oakley
5 hours ago
1
1
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
The OP wasn't asking how to demonstrate hostility at work. That's not likely to help anything
– George M
3 hours ago
add a comment |
dcode is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
dcode is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
dcode is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
dcode is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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33
While this is happening within the workplace, the actual issue seems to be more of an interpersonal problem. I'd suggest looking at Interpersonal.SE for advice about how to set personal boundaries - they might be able to give more specific advice.
– Bilkokuya
yesterday
2
@Bilkokuya: It is an interpersonal problem; however advice can often be different depending on setting.
– NotMe
yesterday