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I've been with this company for 6 months, I've been on this site with the same crew for about 2.5 months. One of them (no longer on the crew for many reasons) started out calling me Val. Another guy tried calling me Val. The remaining guy says Val so loudly, dozens of times a day that now the entire crew thinks my name is Val. So I told him that that was not my name, I can't stand being called Val, please stop. He told me he's a country boy and he can't help it. I spent 20 years in Florida with people calling me Val. None of them had a problem when I corrected them.

Other day this guy is asking me a stupid question, calling me Val, over and over and over. I told him quietly that isn't my name and walked off. He started yelling at me, he screamed profanity at my back. I kept going. Eventually I guess he called the boss. I finish getting my hoodie and come back unruffled to find bosses and coworkers everywhere. I was told that the boss has other things to do. I get that. I respect that. They separated us for the day. I work with guys who don't speak English, don't use my name at all and have zero problems...

The thing that bothers me the most is that in 30 years of being called, Val, Bell, Zell, Dell, Bev, Velveeta, Velvet, Valvoline, Velcro and and everything else imaginable... no one has ever screamed profanity at me. There has also been a number of sexual harrassment incidents. I don't know if this is my punishment for not sleeping with him but this is getting old.

I feel like I've tried to be professional. I'm tempted to pick out a new name for him. Anyone have advice for what to do next?

I’m afraid there are far too many nuances particular to your situation for anyone outside of it to answer. So perhaps some things to consider will guide your decision. First off, figure out how willing you are to find another job or put up with the wrong name. You shouldn’t have to, but it sounds as though your boss is too busy to lead and care about his job (team cohesion is a manager’s role). There are ramifications that may not be fair, but that doesn’t make them non-existent.

The simplest answer is to let him call you Val. You shouldn’t have to. Just laying out options.

The passive aggressive way is to never speak of it again and just start intentionally mangling his name, explaining it away as being just a Florida beach girl or whatever you want and that’s how you talk. He may take the point, or it may just escalate.

A more professional answer comes down to having one more attempt with him then addressing your manager. Unfortunately, 1) it seems country boy has already made his version the de facto with the boss and 2) the boss doesn’t care to be involved in this aspect of his job. So even if you are being professional, the others may not be.

Perhaps you could type up something like the following and practice it. Attempt to speak to Country Boy in person, but if he will not allow you state what you intend, tell him you are sorry that you cannot agree then email him the message and CC your boss, perhaps with a preamble indicating that your attempt to discuss it seemed to fail but it is important it be addressed.

“I would like to move past our recent challenges. I fail to see how I am wrong or unreasonable to expect to be called by my name instead of another even if it happens to sound similar. You have excused it away as being a “country boy”, but I have no reason to accept that your roots have somehow made you incapable of pronouncing and using my name. I also do not accept profanity in support of some right not address me by my name. All I ask is that you refer to me by name.”

The nice part about emailing (though it’s a last resort) is you do have documentation. Should you need to go to HR, you have it.

Again, taking a stand may be right and feel good. Hopefully you are in a position to do so, but ultimately factor in whether you can deal with the possible outcomes of ruffling feathers…no matter how right you are.