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I'll try to be fair and explain the entire situation, if I am at fault please tell me.

Till a few weeks ago everything with work was fine, until I started taking too long to finish a task and my boss (The company's COO) became very aggressive with me, blaming me for the entire sprint being held back and explaining the consequences of me not delivering this task and even gave me a warning letter with that written in it.

I explained that the task requirements keep changing and that the tech isn't spec'd out and i had to redo it three times but he dismissed what I said as not "owning" my work.

I spent the next week doing 10-12 hour days to speed things up and my boss sat down with me again and reminded me of the same consequences that happened before, and this time i was more prepared so I stood my ground and explained that if the task has some accepted criteria we can then judge if the task is complete or not, but if it's up to interpretation then I can say it is finished and he would disagree. I explained that I am doing my best but the planning and figuring out how to do this task technically shouldn't happen AFTER it has been estimated. He dismissed all what I said and told me all I'm hearing is that you're not owning your work.

On my PR he made a lot of comments, some made sense and some were an entire different task, I felt he was setting me up to fail and intentionally being difficult with me.

When I brought up that his comments in the PR is another task and needs to be in its own branch he disagreed and reminded me that I am not owning my work.

The following week (this week) I continued working on his comments and as my new PR went up he made new comments about different issues he didn't mention the first time, and some of his comments were really snobby.

What really ticked me off is that he went to someone else on that same day, who's spending less time in the office than me, and wrote in their PR "change x,y,z but overall good job"

Is it wrong of me to feel like I'm being singled out and bullied and being set up to fail? I feel defeated and completely depressed from the way I'm being treated and this is the first time something like that has ever happened to me, how can I keep the right mentality and how should I be thinking right now?

Well, first of all, stop working for free. Their bullying is clearly effective, and taking a 25 - 50% reduction in pay is probably not a good start for you.

"Owning your work" is good, but it is also used as a bit of a "gaslighting" term in order to manipulate or abuse employees. I don't know the situation you're experiencing in particular, so I dont' know if it applies.

After that, keep being curious and ask questions. If comments are for different tasks, why not ask if they would like to create a new ticket for that particular item. If comments or requirements are unclear, ask what they want you to do with regards to them. Ask the how they want you to handle requirements changes when they come in as the original estimate is invalid.

As for issues on PR's, I tend to only do 10 - 15 comments at a time. If they're running in to those numbers, the submitter probably needs to do a full checkover the code, and things are going to get missed.

As for other people's PR's, I'd suggest not contrasting them. "Comparison is the thief of joy".

this really only holds true for some situations, but features and PRs vary. If you're experiencing a massive pay discrepancy, then comparison is 100% a good thing

You cannot maintain a healthy mental state when you tolerate abuse, period.

What you need to do is update your resume, send it out, and be ready to move on.

Then, you need to put a stop to the abuse or move on if you can't.

You are, in fact being set up to fail and are being bullied.

Understand that confronting the COO may mean that your job there is over. From the looks of it, that is his goal anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

• Drop your time down to 8 hours, plus five minutes either way to be
  above repoach, so, if your hours are 8 to 5, be at your desk no later
  than 7:55, and stay until 5:05.


• Do your work well, but nothing extra


• Document everything you do, so you can defend yourself.


• Document the COO's actions.


• When specs change, submit a new timeline IMMEDIATELY
  

Then make sure you go on interviews because it looks like COO wants you gone, and he will get his way one way or the other. Good news is that it's an employee's market right now, so it's a good time to move on.

Go on interviews, get some offers, then decide if it's worth it to you to either negotiate from a position of strength to your company, or to move on.

There is a bit of error in your question. As Richard U said, you cannot maintain a healthy mental state if you're constantly getting bullied. You should consider looking for another job, as a backup plan incase things go south.

I am going to assume you're not under probation, because if you were, he could fire you at any stage. If you are under probation, I'd work hard until you organise yourself another job.

Regarding your warning, from the Fairwork website:

If a business does use warnings they need to make sure:

• they are clear about the reason for the warning


• they write down all the details


• that the warning is fair and reasonable in the circumstances


• they set clear expectations about what needs to be done differently

It is very reasonable to seek clarity about what is meant in the warning. If language such as "not owning your work" is used, it's fair to ask what is meant.

It is also reasonable to ask for additional training.

If you get fired, you can ask Fairwork to take a look. That's why it's important you document everything. Gives dates and times of discussions with your boss.

If he refuses you additional training, or clear points on how to improve, these are all things that can count against them.

But what will count against you is if you don't show a commitment to take on board feedback and improve. (You've already demonstrated that you want to get better by working long hours).

Good luck.

So I need to tell you that I find you to be a very sympathetic narrator and I have been where you have been and it really, really sucks. I am sorry that you find yourself in this place and you are probably a really talented developer with a bright future ahead of you.

If you re-read the exchanges you posted, wouldn't you agree that your response was to blame external circumstances and external factors for the problem? Now that does have some merit: but I think you would agree that it makes for clumsy communication: no one likes the person who comes late to lunch blaming you for not giving them the exact address or calling to remind them or whatever. And the truth is that if you practice radical responsibility then these problems are, well, maybe not your fault but certainly things you can improve upon in the future.

If you're not familiar with the idea, radical responsibility is the idea that someone in a relationship with some abuser might say, “yes, he is wrong for abusing me, but why was I attracted to that sort of person who was likely to have almost no empathy towards me?” Or, a homeowner whose roof is leaking might say “yes clearly Acme Corp did a bad job fixing my roof last summer, but why did I expect otherwise knowing that they were half the price of the competition and how another roofer when I tried to use that estimate to talk him down burst out laughing for a second?”

So yeah, these folks did not give you what you needed. But why did you let them not give you what you needed? And isn't that something you can work on, getting stakeholders together to answer your questions about how this is supposed to work so that they can iron out their disagreements?

So I follow a religion which asks me to look at everything backwards. It is not for everyone. But you can, if you wish, choose to always respond with those two magic answers, “you're right, ...(recap where you agree)” and “If I am understanding you correctly, are you saying that... (recap what you think they are saying in your own words).” The key to the magic is that if you do it right, your interlocutor says “Exactly!” and you have built rapport in a tense moment without compromising yourself. Similarly you are avoiding getting tangled in some Identity. Perhaps after some disagreement omeone will maybe someday say “you are so dishonest!” and if your response is “how dare you call me that!” because you are attached to your identity as an honest soul, like, your reaction is not wrong but you are not going to have a pleasant conversation, compared to “hey I can see that I did something which frustrated you, can we talk about it?”, viewing the relationship as more important than the accusation or label.

Your mileage may vary. I think you are in a tough circumstance and I wish you the best. I hope that this idea of looking at these things backwards helps, but I mean maybe it doesn't and that's okay.